We had a good rain today, lasted for almost an hour.  In the High desert, usually all rain does is get things dirty and than its gone.  I got to the field and when the clouds cleared just before sunset, I notice that the Wind River Range was all white.  we've had a bit of snow over 10,000 feet before this, but it looks like everything over 8000 is white.  not long now.

6 days left in this rotaiton, ready to be done with it...:  hell I'm always ready to be done with it.

I road up to the pad about 5:30 pm tonight.  They had already started up the next stage, the pumps at full power, the exhaust smoke rising into the air.  I could hear the roar of the engines even inside the truck.  I saw the mechanics truck parked near the Frac Cat Trailer.  a few people standing around talking.  I can't hear shit when i'm that close to the trucks.  Too much background noise to really hold a conversation.

Less than an hour of daylight left.  won't be long and We won't even have that. lol...I could tell the Sunset would be pretty tonight.  the Sun was already behind some clouds.  The wind has been moving pretty good.  The air is cold, must be in the 40's now, it's going to be a bit brisk tonight.  I think I will be wearing my jacket when out and about.  Might need a little bit more cover on my head as well...lol  Even in the middle of winter I can't stand much of a hat.  The stages are getting faster.  we should be able to get three down tonight.  that should mean that we will be rigging down tomorrow night and moving to the next pad.

It's a productive shift so far.  will be a good bonus check next month for the time spent.   Knock on wood or something like it, it's been quite out here as far as the equipment working.  it was like that last time.  a whole week of everything working than a week of shit.  lol  usually waits for Erik to come back on shift.   He seems to get the brunt of it.  I almost feel bad, but than again, I'll get over it.

I did say almost.

Not a bad week so far. been getting in good workouts,  only 4 or 5 hrs sleep a night, but we'll see how that effects me next week.  Usually if I can keep it consistent, it works well.  Monday is the tipping point, when I can count down the days...hell I start counting as soon as I get here...lol  Had a little bit of work to get done here,  Since I can't walk in between the pumps right now, (they had a guy get killed last week)  not much to do until we are in between stages.  than it's only 20 minutes of looking, walk around and show myself.  I wasn't very motivated last  night to work on stuff.  tonight is a bit different.  I will be very busy.    Still gets pretty old by 3am...lol  this morning I laid down and fell asleep in a moment.  still woke up by noon.

didn't work out real hard today.  maybe 40 minutes max and not much in effort.  some bike some treadmill...some weights.  Tomorrow I will take off.  Tonight I will try and get 5 miles of walking in.   I'm like a squarral in a big gage, walking around the pad.  about 300 feet by 400 feet.  push ups and situps,  I'll push it pretty hard tonight since I'll have tomorrow to recover.

I've made good progress over the last 3 or 4 rotations.  I can do 200 sit-ups and push ups over a couple of sets in a shift.   LOL  when I started working on it I won't even say what I did.  I've reached my goal of doing 100 sit-ups in a single set, but still am working on push-ups...only up to 60 in a row...I'll get to that 100 mark in few more rotations.  No practical value (well maybe one thing) but I should just be able to do it.  not my favorite thing to work on.

I'm curious how I'm doing on weight this rotation.  the last two have not gone well....I'll see if I have better control than the last few times.

Well someone wants me...lol  guess i'll go do some work....

The color of the sky grabbed my attention as I walked through the forest.  A breeze moved the tops of the trees, making them dance in a field of blue.  I was in the middle of my hike, I can't recall how long I had been walking, but it was mid afternoon.  I had a long way to go to finish my day but it was one of those days I didn't really care.  This place was as beautiful as any I had seen and I was in no hurry to see the end of my day. 

It was like one moment the world was at peace and the next everything changed.  I came over a hill and discovered something I really didn't want to find.  A bear was eating on something dead.  I couldn't tell what it was, there wasn't much left, mostly fur and blood and bone.  The adrenaline hit was amazing, but I froze, not a breath.  My first response was to run, but a calmer voice held me still.  The bear was busy, and hadn't seen me.  I stood there frozen, not moving, thinking that I have been in place for a thousand years.

I don't remember moving, but the next thing I knew I had fallen, a stone underfoot gave way sending me to one knee.  stone and dirt rolling down hill, it seemed as if I had caused an avalanch.  the noise was defening, and all I could think was that I didn't hear the bear eating anymore.  I had lost site of it when I slipped and now I didn't dare move, didn't even want to look up.  I heard something moving in my direction, the bear had only been 25 yards away....I wasn't waiting to see if it found me.

I don't remember the specific ground that I covered, I fled down the trail that I had just come up.  I didn't look back I didn't want to know, I just kept running.  I didn't remember the specifics, nothing looked familiar anymore.  I could hardly breath.  Short sucking breaths, I was already exhausted and It didn't seem that I had gone that far.  I don't remember ever being this afraid.  the sweat from my running was dripping off my face.  I climbed the next hill, it overlooked the trail I had just traveled, so I stopped and took a moment to catch my breath.  I looked back, I held my breath.  all I could hear was the breeze moving the tree's.  I looked intently, expecting it to come out of the brush, but I saw nothing, I heard nothing, except the blood pumping through my veins.  It seemed to pound in my head, causing the sweat to pour out of me faster.

My body was shacking from the effort of my movements.  still looking behind me I began to move forward on the trail.  Not the smartest thing, because I didn't see the branch on the ground and I tripped, falling forward over the trunk of the tree it had come off of.  I put my right hand out to stop my fall, but I was too late.  I came down on the log, my right side exposed, my ribs coming in contact with the tree, all my weight pushing down.  I could hear my ribs crack.  The breath came out of my mouth in a gasp, I couldn't even make a sound if I wanted to.  I was in so much pain, it was all I could do to roll myself off the log.  I rolled onto my back, I could see the blue of the sky between the trees, I didn't find any of it interesting, all I could think about was how stupid I was.  My breaths came in short painful puffs.

I laid there for what seemed like hours, waiting for the sharp pain to subside enough for me to get back up.  Maybe it was only a few moments I'm not sure.  Dirt sticking to me, absorbing the sweat from my body, and than I remembered where I was and what I was doing when I fell.

I looked back up the hill where I had been standing, and I forgot everything.  standing there looking at me was that bear.  It was a grisly.  I remember thinking about the humb on the back.  Its mouth was matted with the blood from the animal it had been eating on.  I tried to think about everything I read, but honestly the only thing on my mind was fear.  I tried to move, but I couldn't, I was frozen where I was.  Nothing responded, and than it started walking toward me.  Its eyes not wavering, its head down.

I'll skip the details.  In my dream there were plenty of them.  My death was not only painful and horrible, but I died scared and helpless.  I woke up short of breath and in pain.  I swear I could feel where my ribs were broke and the marks from the last place the bear had bit me.  sweat pouring off of me the sheets were wet.  It wasn't one of my better nights.  it had been about 3am when I woke, and I didn't go back to sleep.

It was about 6  weeks later when I had broke my ribs...on my right side.  No bears where involved...lol  I had the dream many times, actually more than I can count over the last 5 years.  It would come to me, unexpected, and it would haunt me.  I couldn't understand why It would be so real.  It's not like it has been the first bad dream I've ever had, but I couldn't change anything in the dream.  It always ended the same.  I always woke the same, shaken and afraid.

I've walked in the wilderness many times since than and even ran into a grisly in the wild.  The dream only held me captive in the deep of the night, no where else.  I have never understood it's purpose.  Not for the lack of trying, mind you.

It was a few months back during my "moment of clarity"  that I came to terms with that dream.  It was one of the things that all of a sudden made sense to me.  Being Eaton by a bear didn't disturb me as much as the fear that I felt.  It was horrifying, to say the least.  I felt helpless, and I do not like feeling that way.  I had that dream a few days ago, but I did change something.  I didn't run away, I accepted my fate, drew my knife and waited for the bear to come to me.  I'd like to say I fought well, but not really.  I still died a horrible death. I can still hear the sound of my bones breaking in its mouth as it tore into me.  My efforts at fighting it were useless, but there was a difference this last time.  I woke laughing, I knew I wouldn't have this dream anymore, I had nothing to fear.

It would be nice if it was the last shadow I had to deal with,  lol,  no such luck!

A question of all time.  who hasn't asked it.  It has eluded me for years.  People that have known me, sure have had some interesting opinions on that question.  As for me, I have always had a hard time with it.  In the mix of all the changes in the last 4 or 5 months, it has been at the core of everything.

I came to Grand Junction among other reasons to answer that question, and get on with the rest of my life.  lol  Or so the story goes.  I was given the answer to that question tonight.  It is not that I was surprised by what I heard tonight.  As with most questions we ask, we have the answer the whole time in front of us, but don't want to see it.

There are some things I still have a hard time accepting, but I'm willing to  and move on.  It's time to stop searching and start sharing the vision that I have.

Coming here was the right thing to do.  Perhaps it wouldn't matter were I was, as long I was true to myself, but there is a reason I came here.  I am very grateful for that.

over 6 months since this started.  hard to believe. yet it feels like this adventure is just starting